CRASH

My world just crashed.

Michelle told me not to be too hard on myself. But what else can I do? I know I brought this upon me. The truth is: I was too nice. Well, I am done playing kiss-ass. Now I play hardball.

I have discovered that the person I respect has been lying to me all along. Finding out by accident, divulged by someone else, just knocks you breathless. I have been systematically misled for one whole year. And all this because I was too nice, and failed to recognize that to the world: being nice = being stupid.

It is difficult to be a minority in America. It is doubly difficult when you're a female minority. Doors don't really open for you. You have to force your way in. I thought that was what I did. I was wrong. They let me in through a window and locked me up in the cold dark corner of the basement. And all the while, I thought I was in the great room looking through an amazing view of the ocean. Paradise for me. Cost-efficient for them.

Now I know that being nice is different from selling yourself short. Not respecting yourself enough to just eat whatever rotten scraps they can dole out. Respect yourself first before you ask others for their respect. Know your worth. Own your power.

I am tired of hiding behind the excuse of my gender and my ethnicity. I can use this on my favor. I know I can. They give me no choice. This is survival.

NOW...I play hardball.